Summary
TOMORROW I shall wheezily try to summon enough breath to extinguish two-score candles on a small, stale Victoria sponge adorned with a squirt of Tip Top synthetic cream, and a ghost of a smile will play across my lips as the trickling wax mimics the tears coursing down my cheeks.
Yup, it's my birthday, the big four-oh, and my midlife crisis can officially get under way. My salt-and-pepper beard (which could probably be sponsored by Saxa these days) will soon be effortlessly replaced by Just For Men's "subtle tones" to match my "own natural look in five easy minutes".See the full content of this document
Extract
Daddy Cool
Some form of extravagant "syrup" will, of course, be in order to disguise my balding pate. And I'...
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